This Isn't Going to Be Easy, Is It?

determination eat bitter perserverance

Chi Ku (Eat Bitter) -Chinese proverb, meaning, "to endure hardship to attain a goal"

I have been in Boulder almost a full year now, and it hasn't been easy.

I came here thinking it was meant to be. I would show up, tell people that I taught natural movement, and BAM, the money would start rolling in. I would be surrounded by nature and like-minded people, be in the midst of deepening my understanding of ecopsychology, and helping others connect with nature and their bodies.

It was going to be bliss.

But none of that happened.

Instead, I couldn't find work for 6 months. First, I went broke. Then I went into debt. When I finally got a job, I couldn't stand it and I quit because it was ruining my life, leading me to question whether or not I'm just a wimpy spoiled middle-class white kid with no work ethic. The friends I made weren't anything like what I expected. The nature wasn't as accessible as I thought. Boulder turned out to be smaller than I thought and, to my mind, so wrapped up in its famous bubble that I felt suffocated.

Nothing was what I expected, and everything was much harder than I expected. I wasn't even the person I thought I would be, and that was the hardest thing to deal with.

I almost went home, back to my parents with my tail between my legs. Instead, I decided that while life was bitter, that was all. I could swallow bitterness.

It's like when you're under a heavy barbell trying to stand up and you realize it's way heavier than you expected, but you also realize you're still making progress. Sure it hurts. Your legs are screaming out, you're tired, you're sore, but you still have good form and your aren't getting crushed.

So you decide to keep going, because you've learned that there is a difference between working hard and breaking.

And until you break, no amount of hardship is going to stop you.